I don’t really look at parenting magazines anymore, and an article I found yesterday in one of them – no, we’re not going to give it any linkage – makes me glad I stopped. It purports to advise worried Mr. and Mrs. Middle of the Road, who can remember the “kids who just didn’t fit in at high school,” and fear that their own child … might be … a nerd. What to do? Force-feed the kid a soccer ball? Take away those awful eyeglasses? Or you could “encourage” your child to “blend in” – because who wants to be a lump in the deliciously bland gravy of Life, right?
What a load. Parents, if your child’s “difference” makes you nervous for his/her well-being at school, why not confront the ones who are doling out the “harsh treatment” and “teasing”- and the adults who are turning a collective blind eye - instead of trying to impose Camo Personality on little Brittany or Josh? And kids, all you smart, skewed, lovely different ones – you already know the secret, you just have to get out of the gulag. Please pass the isotopes. I’ll see you in the Big World Outside.
I can’t relate to parents that worry about their kids not fitting in. I think it’s a bigger worry to have your child end up in the “popular” crowd, and would wonder what I did wrong to steer Miss Wry in that direction!
Miss Wry will always be gloriously wry!
My kid was always different, always the odd girl out. Now I am glad for it, because she doesn’t fall for the same bull the cool kids do. She’s immune to peer pressure and is free to be herself without regard to other kids her age. She even said today her ADD/hyperbrain makes it easy to think on many different levels at once! Amazing insight for a 16 year old.
Sarah thinks for herself always….And the whole concept of “out” and “in” is collapsible, if you don’t buy into it. But safety is another matter. All kids are owed safety and sanity in their school setting: it’s the adults’ duty to provide that MDR.
Thanks for writing this. I feel you have shared a helpful perception on a very important issue. I especially appreciate your comments about all kids being owed safety and sanity in their school setting. In my job, both as parent and as SSW these issues are close to my heart. For two months now I have been working with two other concerned parents to come up with some strategies to address this, on a systematic basis. I would love to talk with you about our efforts sometime.
I’d love to do that, Sue. Email me, let’s get together.
In addition to your gorgeous prose I think it’s your empathy for the “skewed, lovely different” teens that sets you apart. They can dive into your novels and discover kindred spirits in Kit, Hazel, Rachel, and others.
Remember finding Harriet the Spy for the first time? Or Franny Glass? Or Peter Rabbit? And knowing you KNEW them, though you’d only just met….
My precious baby girl is entering middle school next year and is a bit different. While I have always encourage her to “be herself”, I feel as if I have ill perpared her for “middle school madness”. How I feel is entirely different from how she will feel when she is left out or laughed at. Part of me wants to protect her from this and point out that certain activies will most definatly cause her to be ridiculed. But yet should I really ask her to conform to something that is so completely unfair to begin with?
Why should she conform (deform?) herself to fit unfair and arbitrary standards?
What we all can do as adult allies is give kids support in being the people they are, as well as the deep courtesy of a continuous reality check: middle school is not the world entire. Don’t give up!